I ALREADY FUCKED UP TUESDAY

Monday was perfect but I already fucked up Tuesday.

Wednesday might get even worse than today but we're not there yet so hold on while I surf the crest of this latest shit wave just like those big ass waves Hawaiians call "Jaws" or "Freight Trains".  

I told D that I'm in the middle of a Jekyll and Hyde relationship right now. One day is ecstatic like we levitating all the way up in the clouds the next day we going down 13,000 feet in the sea just like the Titanic. The trouble is neither me nor Janelle got the guts to call it off and it's killing me slowly like Lauren Hill sang that time. Oh wait, she said it was softly. Nah this ain't soft killing shit. It's more like a slow, drawn-out medieval-style type of deal. What did they call that thing? The rack? Okay, sure I like the high highs with Janelle but these low lows are way too deep. Yesterday for example we drove to a seaside fairground and fucked under the pier like we were two horny teenagers in love and then this morning I make one comment about her morning mood and it being a national holiday and she tells me she doesn't want to see me ever again and that she'll call the police if I drop by her place and starting making trouble. Fuck man. If you saw her you'd be going out of your damn mind too. She's hot as the sun which makes me think maybe I'm flying too close to her getting my whole ass burned in her orbit. Situation is like a crazy fever dream but one I can't wake up from it and part of me doesn't ever want to.

I know It's all fucked up. She'll be the death of me for sure.

So I'm check-mated right now and my whole day's already ruined. I just can't stop thinking about my girl and the way Janelle makes me feel all crazy which is like fire and ice all at once (which I visualize like red and blue slushies for some reason) like I love her and hate her at the exact same time.

All I know is, if we don't kill each other before the end of the summer it's gonna be straight up some type of miracle.

Anyway, it's the 4th of July, and right now I'm feeling anything but independent.

I'm telling you she's my Britain, man.