PRE PRAY

You know, I always like to sit and contemplate alone in the empty church before the congregation arrives to take their seats. There's just something about that private time I have alone with God, all by myself in the silence of that space.

And today I need a conversation with the big man upstairs due to a problem I've been having with this girl I like at college. I can only explain it to you like I'm kind of taking instruction from the voice inside my head who I believe (hope) is God just like a pilot takes instruction from his navigator though I got to say he seems unimpressed with my problems in that department of late. I know there's a whole tonne of other more important stuff he's got to worry about. Let's see, there's mankind threatening to destroy itself with religious wars, culture wars and now artificial intelligence but the thing is, my heart only knows how it feels in the here and now and right now it's just feeling like all it wants is Cécile and I'm telling you she's totally oblivious to my feelings for her.

Okay, I'm going to pray for real now so listen in if you all like to.

I been thinking God, if I pray hard enough and show my devotion to you then maybe you'll show some mercy on me right now and make it so Cécile feels some way toward me too. The way I see it, she doesn't see me in the same way I don't see you, but know you're there. She knows I'm there but prefers to make it like I don't exist. I think she does this just to make me work harder to win her affection. Is that like me with you God? Do I have to work harder to get you to help me? Or is it more like I just make mistakes in life and then you judge me and then I seek forgiveness for messing things up every now and then just like when I don't do housework for my mum?

I actually don't think I make mistakes as such. Just missteps.

Also I had this big idea that I want to share with you, God. See what you think ...

Love is like religion sometimes. Kind of invisible. What do you say?

Anyway, maybe you'll hear what I'm telling you and make better sense of it than I can at the moment. All I need from you right now is some understanding and some kind of magic to make Cécile look my way once in a while. I've actually been told I've got a great smile. Okay, my mum told me I've got a great smile, said it's like a chandelier and yes, I know she's biased but she's a woman right so she must have some idea about these things. I did check out my smile a few times in the mirror lately and I think she's onto something. Perhaps if you can get Cécile to look my way and then I can flash my smile at her then you me, and Mum will have made this whole miracle happen together, like a team.

Anyway, I better go as I can hear people arriving for service. See what you can do God and I'll keep being as decent as I can. No one's perfect right? But I'm decent. A good sort.

And I've got this smile.

See?

Happy belated Birthday Kudzz! x