LOVE LOCKDOWN

I'm not loving you, way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me, all the way home
So you never know, never, never know
Never know enough, 'til it's over love
'Til we lose control, system overload

AMULYA

Of course he couldn't resist calling me over to his Tony Montana style booth in the club. But don't worry, I didn't make it easy for him. I never make it easy for any man. Instead I used some goofy kid at the bar sipping some crazy ass cocktail as a ploy to make him jealous. Well, sort of.

You'll never guess what this super nerd wanted to talk about?

Tetsuo.

Yup.

There I was using him as my pineapple party punch decoy while he confesses to being Laikin's biggest ever fan on earth like the Kathy Bates of hip hop fans.

What are the chances? At one point I wasn't sure if I should send him over first instead of me.

So I did. I couldn't help it.

"How'd you like to meet him?"

"For real?"

"For real."

I could see the kid's mouth getting dry even though he'd been crunching ice loudly whilst talking to me for the last twenty minutes. Who does that?

"What do I do?"

"Go over to that booth over there and tell him I sent you. Tell him you're my personal assistant."

"But I'm not."

"It's just a game. Relax and stop being so serious. You're making me nervous now."

Handing me his cocktail glass like I was his actual butler, I've never been more insulted. Jokes. Actually, I found the whole situation kind of hilarious.

SABAH

I'm glad I didn't tell her that I'd aleady met Tetsuo. Maybe she wouldn't have given me this new opportunity to reacquaint myself with my hero in the club.

Walking toward his booth, I suddenly felt like destiny had been on my side all evening. I'd taken a risk leaving work and coming to a club where I knew next to no-one outside of my friend working the door. The stars were aligning.

"I was told that I should introduce myself."

Tetsuo looked at me like I was an alien sent from another planet. I started to feel nervous inside my stomach.

"We met before. Outside the stadium after your concert. You were in your car."

He didn't seem to remember my vague details of our previous meeting which when you consider just how many people he meets on an average day in his life is not surprising.

"She sent you, huh? You know Amulya?"

"I'm her personal assistant."

"You are?"

Tetsuo seemed sceptical of me telling him this at first, or maybe that was just me being paranoid.

"Yeah."

"How much she paying you for that?"

"Ummm.'

"I'll double it."

"You will?"

"Now you can tell her your news and ask her if she'll join me for a drink?"

I couldn't even speak so dumbfounded was I by the chain of events that had unfolded in the past twenty minutes.

Walking back to Amulya at the bar, she looked at me for a sign before I had a chance to explain.

"What did he say?"

"He said he will pay me double what you're paying me to be his personal assistant."

Even Amulya was impressed with the speed of Laikin's chess move .

"Anything else?"

"Yeah. He'd like to know if you'd join him for a drink."

She nodded and handed me back my drink as I tried not to collapse from being overwhelmed by my new appointment.

TETSUO (LAIKIN)

Weird night.

I ended up with yet another employee on my books and still managed to lose the girl.

Emulya never joined me for drinks at my table. She clearly enjoys the game playing side of whatever the hell it is we've got going on between us right now.

Or maybe, like me, she doesn't wanna get hurt either. I sense she knows we both have the capacity to hurt each other bad. How do I know this? It's an energy thing. I'm big on energy. I remember someone once calling me an "energy monster". Emulya is an "energy monster" if ever I saw one. A beautiful one though, I'll admit.

But regardless of the risk, I feel increasingly drawn to her and the more she keeps me at arm's length, the closer I want to get to her.

But it won't be today.

Returning to my ocean front bat cave, I just know I won't sleep tonight. I've been playing this one piece of classical music on evenings like these when I'm alone. Schoenberg's Verklärte Nacht which translates as Transfigured Night. Something about this old ass piece of music helps me process being alone here by the sea at night and being unable to love fully the way I want to. I medicate with it. Along with all the prescription anti-anxiety drugs my doctor sorts out for me.

You see I'm bad with loneliness. It's my Achilles heel. All my life, I rarely go a night without having someone with me. When I was a child I used to cling to my mom as I'd have frequent bad dreams, waking up in cold sweats. The dreams were always around a figure (possibly my father) running in the night to get away from me as I called out for him to come back. He never did though, either in my dreams or reality.

But now my mom's gone too, I have no-one to comfort me from my nightmares. Maybe I shouldn't expect any new woman to have to help me through the night.

Music helps. Actually that's an understatement. I wouldn't be here without it.

When I can't sleep I go to my studio and make beats with my beloved Ensoniq ASR-10 keyboard, an Akai MPC 2000 MIDI Production Center, a Roland VS-1880 24-bit Digital Studio Workstation and a Gemini PT-1000 II turntable.

And tonight I'll probably end up making another masterpiece.

My mental issues are the price are pay for them.

Some might say that's a fair trade. Me, personally? I'm not so sure.