THE MARMALADE CLUB

Paddington tended to observe time throughout the day via his tummy by gauging the intervals between each marmalade sandwich and each cup of tea. But lately his sense of time in this way had started to feel a bit off. Increasingly, he was finding more and more of his precious days were being spent with his ever-growing PR team that assembled every morning at his new office in Mayfair; it was hugely expensive but had been absolutely insisted on for the "optics" by his exceptionally serious agent, Jenny.

"It's a statement of your importance in the city and in the world, Paddington and having a serious location for where you conduct your bear business is absolutely essential."

Little fuss had been made over the expense of the little bear's office but conversely, controversy had arisen over Paddington's new 'Marmalade Club' near Regent's Park, a private venue for fellow bears in the city to enjoy not far from London Zoo where some of the private members were currently living. Several accusations of being a 'specist' had been hurled at Paddington by the ERFAC (Equal Rights For All Creatures) protest group for his house rule of only exclusively hosting bears at the 'Marmalade'. When he released a public statement trying to explain that bears simply need their own bear time, a few of the angry activists threw various pots of brightly coloured paint over the shiny, polished black door of his club which took Paddington several hours to lick off.

The paint incident was just one of many headaches Paddington was now experiencing on a daily basis due to his celebrity status as the country's most famous and cherished bear.

"I've tried to please everyone all at the same time, but it seems there's just always someone who's upset with me or what I say these days."

It was true. Paddington was invariably being torn in all directions whether it be by the government or the monarchy as well as a plethora of corporations and activist groups each with their own particular agenda. All of these huge distractions were leaving the little bear with less time to enjoy the simple things in life he so loved. And in truth, the only formal appointment he had truly enjoyed in recent years had been his weekly cream tea on a Friday afternoon with the late queen but sadly she had gone the way of Uncle Pastuzo. Rather than keep going with his mother's tradition of tea with Paddington, King Charles had paused his weekly arrangement with the bear due to what he considered to be his more important meetings dealing with the pressing issue of climate change.

The only Friday tea that had been arranged for Paddington of late was with a certain A C Grayling, a philosopher and author who was keen to meet with the bear to discuss matters concerning Europe.

"What does this A C chap think I might have to help with Europe and does he like marmalade sandwiches?"

"Optics, Paddington. He is very keen for you to help him get Britain to rejoin Europe. And yes, I'm quite sure he likes marmalade sandwiches."

"Oh. Do you mean since we broke apart from mainland Europe in 6,100 BC during the Mesolithic period when the ice caps melted?"

Paddington was proud of himself for remembering such specific information from the book on the history of Great Britain that he had been reading each night before bedtime back in his room at 32 Windsor Gardens.

"No, we've rejoined since then, silly bear."

"You mean the island joined back to mainland Europe all by itself just like it was before the Storegga Slides?"

By now Paddington's agent was getting more and more flustered with the bear's detailed exposition on the history of how Britain first became an island.

"Look. Just take my word for it Paddington. I think it would be good for you to be the face of his rejoin campaign so once you've politely agreed to his ideas then you can have a few hours to unwind in Hamley's before we work on talking through how to use gender pronouns in public."

"What are gender pronouns, Jenny?"

Sensing Paddington had already failed to understand the concept of Brexit and Europe, his agent was reluctant to go further explaining the subject of pronouns just now so gave him a firm brush instead.

"Look here, your fur's all a mess. Let's make you presentable. You'll be meeting Mr Grayling at the Mariage Frères tea room in Covent Garden at three o clock."

But sensing a certain passive-aggressive thoroughness to the way Jenny was brushing him, Paddington felt increasingly angry and irate at all the distractions getting in the way of him enjoying his favorite things.

"I think I'll make my own way to meet Mr. Grayling if you don't mind, Jenny. I fancy feeding some of my feathered friends in Trafalgar Square before I sit down for tea with the gentleman."

Jenny was reluctant to let the bear go on his own as he invariably got into trouble whenever she wasn't close by to watch over him.

"As long as you promise not to get distracted and turn up late to your meeting."

"I promise."

And with that, she gave the bear one final, aggressive brush along his nose up to his forehead as if to warn him not to misbehave.

The philosopher and author A C Grayling, whose unruly white hair very clearly hadn't been brushed at all lately, had been sat at his table for forty-five minutes before deciding to finally call Paddington's agent to ask where the little bear was.

"Hi, Jenny. I'm just wondering if our furry friend has perhaps forgotten our meeting?"

"I'm so sorry Mr Grayling. He assured me that he would be there to meet you at 3 O Clock. I can only imagine he's got waylaid with one of his eccentric ideas again."

"I'll wait til four but after that, I'll need to get back to do some work. If you don't mind, I'll send you an invoice for the cost of my tea and cake. Oh, and I had a Croque-Monsieur Mariage with Artisan Smoked Salmon. I hope you don't mind. It was delicious."

Exasperated that Paddington had let her down once again and made her look a fool in front of the occasionally esteemed philosopher, Jenny went in search of the world's most famous bear.

Something must have happened on his way from Mayfair to Covent Garden that had made Paddington suddenly change his mind about meeting with the philosopher for tea. Most likely it was his tummy again but it may have also been something deeper than that, a sense that he was being far too often stretched from one appointment to another and had forgotten what it was exactly that made him a happy bear.

One thing that always made him happy was marmalade and so Paddington decided to hop on the No 88 bus and make his way back to his private club where he knew orange-flavoured condiments would be in regular supply.

Upon entering the serene and secret atmosphere of his light and airy Marmalade Club, Paddington was delighted to find many of his favourite bears had already arrived and were sitting out in the old-fashioned garden with tea and sandwiches. Winnie the Pooh had come up for the day on the Paddington train to see an art exhibition that Christopher Robin's son had put on in a small art gallery near Kensington Gardens and Rupert the Bear was staying with his cousin Fred at his newly converted apartment in South London. A forlorn-looking Pudsey Bear was also sitting with them, scratching the mottled fur just beneath his eye patch, and was complaining about his "forever" contract with the BBC an institution which he now claimed privately to despise.

"Paddington! Good to see you!" exclaimed Rupert who got up from his chair to shake the fellow bear by the paw.

"Good to see you too, Rupert! And you Winnie! And you Pudsey!"

Paddington doffed his red-stained bucket hat in his typical way and asked if he might sit down with them all.

"By all means!" Winne replied, pulling a nearby chair out for the bear from Peru.

Pudsey, as pre-occupied as he was with his woes, managed to pour Paddington a cup of tea from the delightful Whittard's 'Alice In Wonderland' teapot that Paddington himself had chosen especially for the club from an afternoon he'd spent shopping in Harrods.

"Well I don't know about the rest of you, but right now I feel like turning my back on all the nonsense out there and going on strike," Paddington said in exasperation.

"On strike from what, though? Surely you're your own boss," Pudsey said forlornly.

"On strike from humans. I've been as kind as I possibly can be but lately I find they're asking more and more of me and getting me to change my bear habits."

Winnie the Pooh lit up his pipe and considered Paddington's complaint.

"Maybe you should come and live with me in the Hundred Acre Wood. I've cut down on most of my public appearances. Besides these days no one believes it's really me anyway."

"You can stay with us in Nutwood Village if you like. I'm sure we can find you your own little cottage to live in," Rupert said excitedly. He rather liked the idea of having another famous bear live close by.

"Maybe," Paddington said, knowing that he was very much a London bear now.

Then a thin voice emerged from behind an abundant-looking plum tree as a wild-looking bear approached the tables where Paddington and his friends were seated.

"At least you're free to roam at your leisure. Have some thought for us bears that are only allowed out for a few hours each day from the zoo. Not that I'm complaining. I suppose I don't have to run around trying to pretend I'm something I'm not at least. I get all my nuts, bones, fish, meat, and fruit delivered without having to go looking for them myself in the wild. And Johnny, one of the cage cleaners there always brings me a copy of The Times to read if I'm lucky ."

"Hello there," said Paddington politely. "What's your name?"

"I'm Henry. Pleased to finally make your acquaintance."

Gesturing for Henry to sit with them, the old bear from the zoo obliged and sat close to Paddington.

"Don't get me wrong. I've had it easy, I suppose. But sometimes things that come easy weigh heavy in your heart and in your mind."

"We're all fine. It's the humans that confuse everything. They keep talking about progress but in fact, they're just going round and round in circles and making trouble for themselves. Why should we get worked up worrying about their madness?" Winnie asked in a clearly focused flourish of thought to which Rupert clapped and Paddington nodded firmly in agreement.

Then, after taking a few bites of a marmalade sandwich lovingly prepared by the club's resident chef, Paddington stood up from the table and made an announcement.

"Well, perhaps I should turn the Marmalade Club into a hotel and all members can check in here for an extended stay while here in the city. That way we can have greater autonomy over our business and protect our private interests as bears."

Rupert liked the idea but was concerned that he eventually would have to move to London and live there all the time. He liked nothing better than that feeling of returning to Nutwood Village after leaving the city well behind him.

"I'm not sure I could live in London all the time but I would feel very happy to be able to stay here when needed to. Is that what you mean?"

"Precisely. Think of The Marmalade Club as your home from home, a place where you can remember who you are amidst the chaos of the human world. There will always be a marmalade sandwich and a cup of tea for you here as well as a freshly made bed to lay your bear head down on."

"And no Goldilocks in sight!" jested Henry as the rest of the bears laughed and several more rounds of tea were ordered to celebrate Paddington's brilliant idea.

But Pudsey was still confused and raised his hand to ask a question as if he was a child in class.

"But what about your home at Windsor Gardens, Paddington? Surely you'll want to keep your room there."

"Oh yes, I'll hope to keep my room there and stay from time to time. I love the Browns, even if Mr Brown is a Guardian reader. Poor chap."

More laughter broke out amongst the bears as Paddington provided further explanation of his new plans.

"The Marmalade Club will be my primary home from now on though and I like to think the headquarters for all worthy bears. As for Henry, I'll be writing to the Head Director of London Zoo and making a strong case for him to alternate his time and hours in the zoo with his time spent here at the Marmalade. After all, we have The Times here, too."

Henry clapped his hands together in great excitement at Paddington's strong leadership and decision-making.

"And may I suggest just one more thing please, Paddington?"

"Yes, of course. What is it?"

"Please run for Mayor of London!"

Chewing on the crust of his marmalade sandwich, Paddington waited patiently to swallow it down before answering Henry.

"I'll think about it!"