SPANISH EYES

Yeah, I’ll have another one. Why not.

I really wasn’t supposed to be called up on stage to sing tonight. In fact, I wasn’t even meant to be out at all, not after coming down with a raging fever hot as Death Valley, a nose gushing faster than those fountains outside Caesars, and a heart broken irrevocably by my girl with the Spanish eyes.

That’s why I sang the song. You know, Spanish Eyes? Oh, you heard me sing it? You liked it? Good. I’m glad someone got something out of my misery. I don’t even know how I made it through, with these eyes all red and this schnozz dripping all across the stage like a hose. Thought I’d turned the place into a water park.

This hot toddy’s helping, though. I appreciate the suggestion. And you loaded it up good with Jack, so I can ease this pain in my heart and in my throat. Man, I really belted it back there. You could’ve heard a pin drop at the end. I almost worried I overdid it.

Someone said I should do opera next. Yeah, why not? I could be the next Pavarotti. You think I could do opera?

Anyway, I’m glad you liked it. It’s nice to know that it reaches people — that’s why we do what we do: to touch hearts. I touched her heart the first time she heard me sing. It was her birthday, and some of her girlfriends asked if I’d sing Happy Birthday for her at her table. I was just about to, but then I saw her dark Mediterranean eyes and couldn’t help myself — I sang Spanish Eyes instead. Though in the song they’re blue. Either way, I’m telling you, she cast some sort of witchy spell over me that night. Needless to say, she didn’t complain about my choice of song. In fact, she loved it so much that we got engaged a month later. I've been singing it every night we were together, just before she'd go to sleep.

You wanna know what's crazy? We were actually meant to get married next week. But it’s over now, so I guess I’ll have to see if someone else wants our slot instead.

You know where I’m going with this? That was my last time ever singing the song. Yep. You’ll never hear me sing it again. That’s why I nearly busted a lung getting it out like that tonight — kind of like a farewell to the girl and the song.

Say, what else did you put in this thing? A truth serum? Damn, these loose lips are sinking some ships right now. Mind you, I already burned some bridges, yes sir, more specifically the bridge to her heart.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Women are like songs to me, I guess. I always choose a different song for each woman I’ve been with. One of them loved Over the Rainbow, another That’s Amore — Miss Pizza Pie, I called her — and another All the Way.

Soon, I’m gonna have no songs left if I’m not careful.

Oh, you’re closing up soon? I thought you were open all night. I guess it’s late.

What time is it?

Three? Have I been here that long? Jeez.

Well, look, you’ve been good to me, a proper nurse, so take some of these.
And if you want a tip from me, just don’t sing a song you love almost as much as the girl who leaves you broken-hearted.

Can you do me one more of these for the road, as the song goes? I’m gonna try and lick this thing by dawn and start a new songbook.

Wait, I can hear the birds singing already. I didn’t even know there were birds in Las Vegas.

I guess nature always finds a way.

Love, too.

You know what? I’m gonna sing it again. Yeah, I don’t care anymore, rules are meant to be broken.

Oh, you made that one up already? Okay, let me take it with me as I now bid you adieu.

Take care, pal. Thanks for listening.

And now, you listen to this.

Blue Spanish eyes
Teardrops are falling from your Spanish eyes
Please, please don't cry
This is just adios and not goodbye

Soon I'll return
Bringing you all the love your heart can hold
Please say, "Sí, sí"
Say you and your Spanish eyes will wait for me