TAKING THE MICKEY

Well, after watching Adolescence (Netflix)—which has to be one of the most artless and morbid pieces of television I've ever had the misfortune to endure (more government psy-op than remotely realistic drama or entertainment)—I didn't expect to score a double whammy by watching what is possibly the worst film I've ever seen in my life: Bong Joon Ho's Mickey 17.

This film makes the almost equally excruciating Everything Everywhere All at Once look positively restrained in its mad, head-fuckery excesses. It's no wonder it's set to lose $75–$100 million at the box office, so poorly received has it been—though some deluded critics have tried to make a case for it, no doubt with pockets lined by backhanders from the studio.

It's hard for me to describe the banal dreadfulness of this poorly conceived effort from Bong Joon Ho, except to say that if you already hated Snowpiercer (which I did), then you ain't seen nothing yet. Although Robert Pattinson does his best to deliver a performance filled with Depp-like eccentricities as Mickey—an "expendable" space worker who is perpetually "reprinted" each time he dies—I can't imagine how he could feel even remotely proud of starring in a film that is a complete mess of confusion at every level, from concept to script, art direction to on-screen performances. Mark Ruffalo and Toni Collette give their worst performances to date, resembling a pair of under-rehearsed pantomime dames, which leads me to believe that some of Joon Ho's direction got lost in translation—unless, of course, this was his actual intent.

At every level, this thing is an abject failure by all concerned. It resembles something closer to a low-budget sci-fi series on Channel 5, and even then, I feel I may be doing a disservice to shows such as The Beacon, Helix, or Under the Dome (none of which I've seen).

Compared to the director's Oscar winning Parasite (which I thought was okay but not great), this is a significant drop-off in quality. Having wasted over two hours of my precious human life watching this abject garbage I now genuinely feel Ho should be consigned to a facility for crimes against art for a few years to think about what he's done here before he's allowed to make another film of such wasteful proportions.

Now there's a concept! ^^