TERRY AND NIC

If I could just borrow the DeLorean DMC-12 from the 1985 movie Back to the Future and go back in time, I might quickly spin over to BBC Television Centre in Shepherd’s Bush, London, in the year 1990, and draw up contracts for television host/presenter Terry Wogan and film actor Nicolas Cage to co-star in a buddy comedy franchise—which I haven’t quite yet worked out a title for.
Wogan’s Run, possibly.

What inspired this fantasy of mine? Only one of my favourite interviews on YouTube, which I often return to as a pick-me-up: Cage arrives before an enthusiastic television audience, performing an inelegant front flip before yanking wads of cash out of his tight black jeans and hurling them at the crowd like a crazed rock ’n’ roll star. Because let’s face it, that’s what Cage has always really been. Actually, I would love for Nic Cage to have had his own metal band—he surely would have been one of the great frontmen of all time. Could have called his group Cage’Rage or Encaged.

There’s something comforting to my mind about the chemistry between the Californian anarchist vibes of Nic and the lilting, limerick-like chill of Tel; they just seem to have a natural jeu ne se quad together. My only regret is that this was their only collab, hence the need for that DeLorean to make things right.

Fantasies of Wogan wearing his Wild at Heart tee while Cage drives like a maniac through the streets of London after carrying out a bank heist just seem perfect to me.

Of course, AI could knock it up for me in a few minutes, but I need that visceral, sweaty Cage in leather, something no computer could replicate, and the spontaneous Wogan 'orish' asides with timing the likes of which I don’t believe any software could mimic.

Alternatively, I could just watch the original interview again.

Oh, go on, then.