THE FEBRUARY GIRL

Lunch Break

We found out on our lunch break which isn't perhaps the best time to discover life changing news when you have an entire afternoon of retail work to return to. But fate is fate and we returned to our day jobs, forever altered by the sudden realisation we would now be parents.

Later that evening, we agreed to baby sit (the irony) for my partner's boss's kids.

While the two of us, still in a state of shock, sat in an isolated cottage somewhere in the middle of nowhere with sleeping children upstairs, the distant rumble of thunder rolled around the surrounding hills as the first crack of lightning split the skies.

It was all very Wagnerian.

As two people in their early 20's, it was understandable that we might be a little overwhelmed by the news. Not only that, my partner was just about to head to Australia for three months to go back packing with her sister. Pregnancy was definitely a plot twist we hadn't seen coming and although we'd been a little shocked at first, after a day or two we were completely adjusted to the prospect of welcoming a child into our lives.

The shared equilibrium between us, momentarily rattled, was now happily restored as we said our goodbyes at the airport before my partner flew off for what would now be a significantly shortened Australian holiday.

As the plane flew into the clear blue sky, our future felt secure.

9/11

I remember the collective angst thick in the atmosphere after the terrorist attack on 9/11 which has been said to have been my generation's JFK assassination. The internet was still young and dial-up, while email was something we tended to rely more on than direct message. I can remember vividly the breaking news coming out of New York City that September morning via the MSN news website which resembled more a cyber version of an old Telex machine.

When I saw those two planes hit on a tiny pixilated video, it felt like they'd crashed into my heart. Even though I was over three thousand miles away, two years prior to the attack I remembered standing on top of the World Trade Center, free of responsibility and ready to embark on my 20's with great hope and ambition.

Now, sat behind my laptop, on that fateful day of history and reading the terrible news in Gloucestershire it felt personal and disruptive to my entire concept of the future at the time. Not only that, but I had a child on the way and existentially, the attack suddenly clouded the prospect of bringing a new life into the world.

Meanwhile, the mother of my child was ten thousand miles away in Australia and about to board a flight home to England carrying our baby inside her. Air travel, which hadn't been a concern previously in our lives, was now suddenly a terrifying prospect.

I remember two days after 9/11 being re-united with my partner in the arrivals lounge at Heaththrow airport as it became obvious that a new climate of fear had been born around us. You could see it in the eyes of the many travellers about to board their flights into a now far riskier future. Nowhere seemed safe, except in each other's arms. Suddenly, the opportunity to focus on the smallest thing, that being the baby inside her as opposed to the bigger threat of terrorist destruction, created a most welcome distraction from the madness of the new post 9/11 environment we all would inevitably become adapted to.

As we retreated into our private world preparing for our baby to arrive in February, our relationship enjoyed its happiest time. There's just something undeniable about the arrival of a baby that takes over everything as the months, weeks and days tick down to those final hours just before the child arrives to start the clock on their own life.

This Night The Stars

This night the stars like jewels shine, High over Birdlip Hill, And Severn's but a silvery line, smooth flowing at her will, While all the lamps of Gloucester town, Are twinkling as the moon-beams down, upon these fields of mine.

I remember the morning of the 27th February 2002 as clear as the moonlit sky I observed from the car illuminating the approaching city of Gloucester where our daughter would arrive four hours or so later.

There's something about late February mornings in Gloucestershire that creates a sense of magic where the end of winter meets the promise of spring. You can feel it in the air and on the ground where snowdrops emerge from the thawed ground. And on this momentous dawn, the last of the white frosts and crisp-cold air didn't fail to deliver in setting the stage for this new person to enter in our life story, like the first daffodils of spring.

In the transition period between the womb and outside of it, the stresses and anxieties are well known to many expectant parents. We were no different and when our daughter arrived we felt the same happiness and relief everyone else does in this special moment.

Holding our daughter in my arms that morning, I remember how quiet she was and how her big curious eyes reflected my image in them.

Whether you're prepared or not, in that moment there's simply nothing that concentrates the mind and spirit more than welcoming your own child into this world and with a little baby daughter in my arms the chaos of the world seemed to fade away.

The rest of the day was a blur of telephone calls, baby grows, exhaustion and happiness, until it was time for me to return home and sleep, forever changed from this moment on.

I find it amazing how twenty four hours in a human life can so quickly mark such a momentous threshold crossed between the abstract idea of a new life approaching with the actual reality of it finally existing.  

Not dissimilar to writing a story, nurturing a human life is a creative endeavour all of its own and I am blessed to have co-authored my daughter's life so far into its own unique tale.

Choosing A Name

Choosing a name for your child is always interesting. In the end, we decided on Alexandra as much for its meaning as its phonetic robustness.

No longer complacent to the threat of chaos after 9/11, I decided that Alexandra, meaning Defender Of Mankind, was as good a place to start in ensuring the future of her world and ultimately the world at large. It's possible I was channelling my inner Jor-El (Superman's Father).

And if that latter grandiose expectation was a stretch, then at least I would selfishly have my own warrior maiden to protect me.

And finally, as I celebrate my daughter's 20th birthday today, I'm reminded of this rather charming Leroy Anderson piece entitled Trumpeter's Lullaby which I remember playing to her often when she was little. Even now, it recalls idle days spent together walking in the Heavens (valley) with Alexandra sat atop my shoulders as she enjoyed the best view of her surrounding environment.

Perspective is a wonderful thing.

Happy Birthday Alexandra!

Love always, Daddy

27th Feb 2022