WE'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU

"I know. We've been watching you." - Johnny Hamcheck

An occasional idle pleasure of mine over the past year or two has been watching the Candid Camera-style Instagram account of Johnny Hamcheck, a content creator from Columbus, Ohio, who roams around in public starting random improvised conversations with ordinary folk, often catching them off guard and leaving them uncertain of who he is or what his intentions are. Unless, of course, they’re already Hamcheck fans and familiar with his ruse—in which case he’s soon busted in plain sight, to their shared amusement, and tends to quickly cut those videos short.

Putting aside the slight moral issue of filming people unaware on a phone camera, Hamcheck is some sort of comedy genius. His videos are genuinely hilarious and strangely life-affirming. Not once have I come away feeling less of him, my fellow men (it tends to be mostly men Hamcheck targets), or women. I think this is because Hamcheck carries out his pranks with an overall sense of goodwill and zero malice. The worst you could say about him is that he might confuse those he chats with, thanks to a kind of hazy misunderstanding of his made-up events and of who exactly is who—especially Balboni (I'll explain shortly).

A typical Hamcheck scenario involves him pretending to recognise a man or woman in the street, then seeing how far he can get convincing them that they know one another from the past—or that he’s the project manager of some construction happening nearby. Frequently offering strangers the use of his bizarre “chains” (“six-and-a-half-foot cables”) and questioning them about the mutual friends they supposedly have in common, in a deadpan voice that makes it seem as though he’s known them forever, somehow always tickles me. Their often tolerant and kind-hearted responses toward Johnny suggest that, by and large, humanity tends to be basically good.

And by referencing a mysterious unseen boss figure of "Tough Knuckles Construction" named Balboni—Hamcheck’s equivalent of Lieutenant Columbo’s perpetually unseen wife, Hamcheck’s world feels like an absurdist blend of Damon Runyon and Tony Soprano by way of Samuel Beckett.

A frequent topic, besides “smoking crypto,” raised by Hamcheck with his mostly unsuspecting “victims,” is the tale of someone called Mike getting “smacked upside the head” with a spatula by a guy named Steve (possibly, Balboni) at a recent barbecue, resulting in him gaining a “Tom and Jerry knot” that protrudes through a hole in his cap. The repetition each time is the thing that gets you. You know what’s coming, and they don’t. Hilarity frequently ensues.

The whole thing plays like a crypto-induced fever dream filmed through the phone camera of our host, Hamcheck.

I’m really not sure why I’ve become quite so obsessed with Hamcheck and his madcap world of Balboni Construction, Mike and Steve at the barbecue, and invitations to join a mysterious crypto pyramid scheme. I reckon it has something to do with the absurdity of the conversations and the tension in seeing how long his targets go along with his bullshit. In truth, it's probably how I feel about myself and the Quixote-like delusions that I impose upon others on a frequent basis.

And perhaps a part of me is forever curious as to who exactly Balboni is.

Sometimes I think Balboni is Hamcheck’s Godot—the one person who might one day show up, explain it all, and make the world make sense again.

Not just Johnny’s world, but mine.